Kathy's Story

Kathy's mom Nancy died at the age of 62 of Metastatic Breast Cancer. Right then and there, at the age of 28, we started going for our yearly mammograms. I didn't need to have them, but Kathy was petrified to go, so we made it "a thing". We would go into Manhattan on a Saturday, have our tests, and then go out to eat, shop, or do whatever we wanted. It was part of our girl's day together.
Eleven years later, it was no big deal for Kathy to go to her favorite OBGYN to get her referral for her yearly mammo. Except, this year was to be different. I got a hysterical call at work from Kathy. The doctor found a lump on her exam and wanted her to go to the radiologist immediately. The lump did NOT show up on the mammogram, so they did a sonogram, and there it was. The doctors thought things were not good. They told her she would have to have it removed immediately. Off to the surgeon we went. Kathy had a biopsy, Aggressive Progressive Adeno Carcinoma. Many scans followed to make sure it had not spread anywhere else.

All were done, the biopsy was positive for the breast and lymph nodes, but not to worry we were told. There was a procedure that they could do where she would go in with a breast and come out with a breast. They made it sound so simple. Off to the Plastic Surgeon we went. The procedure was called a TRAMFLAP. They would take her abdominal muscle, pull it up through her chest and make a new breast. All of this happened within a two-week period. Kathy was petrified and overwhelmed. She just wanted the cancer to be gone. She just wanted to continue to live her life with her husband and son.

Kathy was not a stupid person. She worked as a paralegal for a malpractice firm. She was very knowledgeable, but she was scared and over whelmed! Everything was thrown upon her very quickly. Surgery was set for early November. She had the surgery and came home after a week. It was hard, but everyday was a little better than the last. That is until the skin started to separate at the site of the incision. It turns out that this is very common with this type of procedure. Within a few weeks, she had a crater where her breast used to be. Every week we went to the Plastic Surgeon to see what he could do. Months are going by. Months in which she had not started her Chemotherapy. Finally, the Plastic Surgeon called in wound care specialists, and they put her on a device that looked like a box with tubes coming in and out, and it worked like a vacuum. She lived with it for months.

Finally, in March, it was ok to start Tamoxophin;the pill she would take for five years after finishing her Chemo. By the time her 40th birthday rolled around, Kathy was, as she would call it, on her chemical warfare (5 months after surgery). She finished that chemo. In August. She had gone back to work, and was starting to do things that she could normally do; but she had pain in her abdominal area. The plastic surgeon said it was a hernia. She lived and worked with it for months. In January, they went back to fix the hernia and finish the breast reconstruction. She was released from the hospital, stayed home for a few weeks and then back to work she went. She still did not feel well but thought she had another hernia
Her son's confirmation was coming up in February and she was so excited and happy for him. She wanted it to be something special, so she planned a party for him at their favorite restaurant. By March she felt terrible, so much so that one morning at 7Am she called me and told me she needed to go to the emergency room (mind you, I live in NJ and Kathy in Queens and the hospital was in Manhattan). I ran to Queens and then we ran to the hospital. They did a CAT scan and it showed Cancer in the liver and abdominal fluid (which is the reason for the pain). Time for more Chemo. They started her on 2 different drugs. She did well for the first few weeks until she had a severe allergic reaction to one of the drugs. At this point, the doctor said that he could not cure Kathy's Cancer. He could only treat each cancer as it came up. She continued to try different types of Chemo, each seeming to work for a couple of weeks, but the pain always persisted (the doctor said that we would know how she was doing by how she was feeling, CT scans don't change that quickly). During all this, she went through so many side effects from the drugs, side effects that she didn't even know she would have (like the time she called me and her tongue was twice its normal size). She would have her chemo. get over the effects, and then one day later go for more chemo. They never told her that her nails would start to peel off. Due to the fact that nothing tasted good, her appetite was not the greatest, but toward the end it was really hard for her to eat or drink because of her abdomen.

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Every week I went in to have Girls Night Out as we called it. We'd sit in the kitchen and talk for a few hours and then I'd stay for the day on Saturday. I knew things were not good. The doctor had told us that if the chemo. Did not work that Kathy had three to six months to live. As thin as she was and as sick as she was we did not believe that. Kathy had her last chemo. treatment in the last week of September. I took that day off because I was sure that the doctor was going to put her in the hospital, but he didn't, he gave her a chemo. treatment. I went into Queens that Friday night and for some reason I packed a full bag of clothes. When I saw her I knew I would not be going home until the end. The Deacon from her church came to see JT (her husband) and discussed hospice care and that was what we did. Kathy lasted for two weeks; she didn't want to leave. At one point toward the end she asked me, Donna how did this happen. I didn't understand, and she asked me . How did I get here, and all I could say was that the medicine did not work. Kathy passed away in her sleep, in her own room, knowing that she was in the house with us. She had finally found the peace to let go.
KATHY'S LEGACY: LOVE LIFE, DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN.